Due to the number of members affording each member their own Bio page is just not possible. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give members the opportunity to introduce themselves and their blogs.
So I am starting a new feature called “Member’s Profile…” and this feature is open to all members. All of these can be accessed via the ‘Member’s Profile’ tags plus I have also created a page were all of them will be permanently listed.
If you would like the opportunity to introduce yourself all you have to so is to email me your bio or profile and I will include it at a convenient time. Please email them to email@example.com
So here is our first one and this one comes from our newest member who is also the author of The Quiet Borderline – a blog well worth the visit….
Hospitalization and Rehabilitation.
I’m 27 years old and had a mental breakdown nearly 2 years ago now. It started with a bit of anxiety, all physical symptoms, and I only became aware that it was due to my mental state that I was having all of these physical symptoms due to anxiety. For a couple of weeks, I thought I had a virus. I went for test after test at the hospital and everything came back normal. I would wake up in the morning each day, without fail at 5am. I would have a bad stomach and feel a bit shaky. Totally lost my appetite and had no strength left in me. After a couple of weeks passed, I went to the emergency room because I was vomiting and couldn’t keep any fluids of solids down. Once again, test after test, until I was finally sent to the psychiatrist on the 5th floor.
It was an interesting experience. Something totally new to me having not been on medications or in therapy before. I sat down and the psychiatrist peered over his glasses at me, looking me right in the eyes. He first of all asked how the relationship with my mother is. Oh dear. I was doomed on the first question! At this point in time, it had only been a few weeks, but I had decided that I had had enough of my mother’s broken promises. Yes, I’ll call you back, yes, I’ll email you. I decided that I would leave all contact down to her. The psychiatrist then asked me a few more questions that I don’t really remember but I remember he asked if I was anxious. Now, I had to admit it, I kind of was anxious. But I said that I was anxious over being sick with this “virus” as I couldn’t eat, sleep and function. He proceeded to give me 10 Xanax and sent me on my way, telling me to go to my family doctor and follow up about this.
I went home. Put the pills in the drawer and didn’t take them. Then a few days later, I woke up one morning and it hit me, it was all due to anxiety and a steady increase of depression. I started to take the pills and over the matter of a couple of weeks, I was hit extremely hard with depression. Things were whirling out of control. I took myself to the local mental health station and the psychiatrist proceeded to give me Xanax and put me on Paxil. I still couldn’t believe that all of this was true and really happening to me. I found myself a private psychologist and started seeing her twice a week. Alongside this, I was going from one medication to the next with nothing helping me at all. Even sleeping pills, right from the beginning and to this day, I have sleep problems, and sleeping pills hardly help me at all. My body was and has been very resistant to medications.
In therapy, things weren’t much better. Things were snowballing out of control. The truth came out about me self-harming since I was 13 years old. I had never told anyone or did anything about it. All badness seeped out in therapy and home truths were discovered. I was in therapy for 8 months and still trying to find the right medication/s, but things were just getting worse and worse for me. I was self-harming again, cutting, burning, overdosing on sleeping pills, drinking alcohol, any form of escapism that I could possibly think of, I did.
On Wednesday 17th February 2011, I had a session with my therapist. I sat there totally broken down, flooding in tears, saying that I couldn’t continue any more. We had to do something before it was too late. Something bad was bound to happen and I was hardly functioning, not going to work, still not eating, not sleeping, everything was a complete mess. The weekend before, I had taken 9 Imovane tablets with alcohol and had taken myself down to the local A&E and just laid there in the reception for 12 hours and walked myself home. My psychologist recommended that I think about hospitalization and that, I did. That night, me and my brother-in-law went to the local psychiatric hospital with a bag-full of clothes and I gave myself over. They didn’t have room in this particular hospital, so they sent me to one which was 45 minutes of the city, in the middle of nowhere, on top of a hill, in the middle of nature.
I proceeded to spend 14 months in that hospital, fighting and fighting away, until I was released on 17th April 2012. Trying to get myself out of this deep black hole. I was in intensive 2-3 time a week therapy with a clinical psychologist. Weekly meetings with my psychiatrist, art therapy, movement therapy, group therapy, etc. I was in the open ward for most of the time, but several times was sent to the closed ward due to me self-harming or having extreme suicidal thoughts and nearly acting upon them.
Now, it’s mid-May 2012, I have been out of hospital for a month now. I am in a 1-3 year rehabilitation program in the city, working daily in their factory, in intensive 3 time a week therapy, art therapy, group therapy, group cooking and so on and so forth. I live in their housing and we have psychologists here in the building most of the time and we also have care workers that visit on a daily basis for several hours to make sure that everyone is OK and helping out people with whatever they may need help with.
Concerning medications, I only found the right mix a couple of months ago. I take 60mg Prozac and 600mg Seroquel. At bedtime I take 7.5mg Imovane and 30mg Remeron. I am still battling with the sleep problems and trying different meds but this mix seems to be the best so far. The same with the depression and anxiety. I have my better and worse days. I also take 2mg Clonazepam “SOS” when I need it.
I have 3 diagnoses. 1. Major Depression 2. BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and 3. AvPD (Avoidant Personality disorder).
I am really pleased to be able to include this bio and feature and would love to hear from more of our members. I hope you like this feature, think it a good idea and will take time to get to know the members featured and their blog.