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Nominated For A Leibster Award – Many, Many Thanks!

liebsterblogawardI have this morning learned that BreakdownChick over at Labeled Disabled has very kindly nominated the Guild for a Leibster Award.

I am incredibly grateful for this and you can see that nomination (and indeed Breakdown Chick’s) comments on  her own Leibster Award and this nomination by clicking ‘Labeled Disabled’ link above.

I am so very grateful for this award and for Breakdown Chick even thin king of the guild, let alone nominating us and will try to answer the nomination criteria accordingly :)

OK.  According to my understanding the first part of the process is to state 11 facts about myself.

Man I always find these things very difficult!  Additionally this blog is not really about me, it is about all of you, but it would be impossible to answer the questions for all of you so here goes…

 

11 Facts about myself….

1.   I am currently 53 years old.  But that changes every year :)  OK so are you starting to get the impression I struggle with this kind of ‘share about yourself’ thing?

2.  I am male.  LOL see that was relatively easy.

3.  I am a Christian who experiences mental health issues.  I think anyone who reads my personal blog(s) will already know that. But I have to point our that this blog is NOT a Christian or faith-based blog.  It is specifically mental-health related.  But these 11 facts are about me and I am struggling to find 11.

4.  I can read books which are upside down about as easily as I can read them the right way up.   Its a silly little fact I know and probably not very uncommon.  But I do find it mildly amusing to sit reading upside down and watch people’s quizzical expressions.

5.  I am really not very good at sharing about myself.  Hm is including that as one of my 11 facts about myself cheating?

6.  My brain tends to over think virtually everything,  It will hold an analytical autopsy of virtually every conversation that I have and where there has been any kind of confrontation or difference of opinion involved, it will replay it over and over.

7.  I am not (the above having [No. 6] been said) a ‘people pleaser’ per se.  I try to be a gentleman and polite and courteous, but I will not agree with someone just to please them or to avoid conflict.

8.  There are a range of emotions that I just don’t seem to experience.  These seem to be the top end emotions such as those within the range of extreme joy, excitement or elation.  It is as if somewhere along the line someone or something withdrew my permission to experience such emotions.

9.  I love to write.  Whether; blogging, books, or poetry I have always enjoyed doing so. Something that I have been seriously remiss in doing lately due to a number of health and other factors.

10.  I love to sing worship songs.  When I am worshiping it is probably one of the few situations where I can just let go.  Where my brain isn’t always in control or over-active.

11.  I am already question the suitability of my 10 previous facts. Did I mention that I over think things and am really bad at sharing about myself?

Ok.  That (excruciating painful) part over, now onto the next part.

 

Questions for Me… (These were set by Breakdown Chick in her nomination)

1) What is the number one reason you started blogging?

I wanted so very much to get what was going on inside my head outside of my head so to speak.  Not only in attempt to give it voice and understand it better but in the hope that by doing so others might get some encouragement from it and see that they are not alone.

2) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Finding just one thing to choose is difficult but I guess it would be to be able to experience those emotions which escape me or at least to stop my brain from circumventing the emotional processes so much

3) What is your biggest fear?

Hm. Not sure that I really do fear very much.  But I guess it would be that in my inability to feel as much as I should that I hurt others.

4) Do you have a particular coping skill for stress? What is it?

Prayer but I wouldn’t necessarily call it a coping skill.  It comes from a deep belief in God and the confidence that I gain from that belief.

5) If you had a magical power, what would it be?

The ability to bring love to anyone who needed it.  Even those who are convinced that they are loveless and unlovable.

6) What do you daydream about?

I have no idea.  I tend to just zone out and lose huge chunks of time.  Not really sure what is going on in my brain at these times.

7) If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be? Why?

I would perhaps change how I hid my mental health issues from my family for so long.  But then the question is wouldn’t it be better to change the things that caused me to feel that I had to?

8) If there was one thing you could secure in your future, what would it be? Why?

The removal of the stigma that is attached to mental illness and the resultant lack of understanding and compassion.

9) What is your favorite pastime?

Being with my children

10) Even though you are a relatively new blogger; what advice do you offer to another newbie?

Always be true to yourself but in the certain knowledge that not everyone else will be true to you.

11) What is the most important thing you want to accomplish with your blog?

In respect of this blog it is to encourage and to facilitate a community of bloggers blogging about mental health related issues.

-oOo-

11 Nominees – And I apologiz3e in advance for anyone who has already been nominated.

A Bipolar Journey Through The Rabbit Hole

CuckooMyCuckoo

Dysphorian Grey

Feathers Of Happenstance

Heavy Mental

I Don’t Want To Talk About It

Infinite Sadness… or hope?

Under Reconstruction

Tess of the d’Amned

Stacy’s Flutterings

Skinny In Scrubs

So there you have my 11 Nominees!

And now for the 11 Questions that I am to set my nominees…

-oOo-

11 Questions For You…

01. What is your all time favourite memory – or at least one which you can share with us?

02.  When did you start blogging?

03.  Did you have any specific motivation for blogging and if so what?

04.  Did you have any specific hopes in blogging, and if so what?

05.  Have those hopes been realized so far?

06.  If you could make a mobile to go above your bed – which would hold six glass bubbles holding one picture in each bubble – who or what would those pictures be of?

07.  If you were offered a big red button which would instantly take away your mental illness(es) would you press it?

08.  Name something which you feel your mental illness has prevented you from doing.

09.  Name something which you feel your mental illness has caused you to do which you might not have done.

10.  Do you struggle to blog?

11.  If you could have one person truly experience your mental illness for one whole day – would you and if so who and why?

-oOo-

Ok there are my 11 questions for those I have nominated.  I hope you enjoy answering them.

And again I want to say thank you to Breakdown Chick over at Labeled Disabled for nominating me.

 

 

 

 

 

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When Do I Tell My Kids?

This article was written by one of our members and is very much well worth the read and raises a very relevant point for many of us.

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Submitted Article.

Hi all,

I received an email from one of our members who wanted to share an article she had written with the guild.

Because this article has been published on another site which is not a WordPress site I am not able to simply rebolog it.

 

Additionally I did not feel comfortable simply copying and pasting the article from that site without the site owner’s permission.  Yes, the author has given permission but I still feel that I need to respect the site-owner’s intellectual property and copyright rights.

 

So I thought that the best way forward was to simply post a link to the article for you all :)

The link is as follows and it really is a very interesting, well written and honest article about mental health and the stigma that is all too often wrongly attached to it.

I found my preconceptions of mentally ill patients were strongly challenged.

Kind Regards and happy reading all.

Kevin

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To Look Beyond What We First See.

Originally posted on Voices of Glass:

stigma As a long term sufferer with Mental Health issues I have always been saddened by the ways in which people often react so negatively towards those of us who suffer with poor mental health.

Negative reactions which range from indifference to mocking and judgement and yes even ridicule and abuse.  I am fairly confident, as a mental health blogger, that most of my readers who they themselves suffer with poor mental health will have had first hand and painful experiences of such things.

The truth is that such reactions often come out of; nervousness, fear, ignorance, peer-pressure, and even unaddressed hurts within the person who is reacting in such a way.

In fact, one of the reasons for my starting this blog was to try – albeit in some small way – to share some of my own experiences in the hope that it might help others to understand.

The…

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Submission From A Member – Reader Discretion Required.

tw-sign6Dear Reader/Member.

I am displaying the Trigger Warning sign on this post as this post deals with matters of both suicide and self-harming.

Members and readers are therefore encouraged to use discretion and consider very carefully whether they wish to continue reading.

Hi all,

I received an email this morning to which the following article/post was attached.  In the e-mail I was asked if I would consider posting the attached article/post.

Having considered it very carefully I have indeed decided to publish the article as it is in my opinion, well written, informative, honest and in many ways very raw.

I also feel that not only will it help others to understand what suicidal ideation can be like but that it will open up comments to the author.

In truth I do not know which member sent the post to me as I do not recognize the email address, but I am grateful to them and hope that our members – having considered the warning displayed above – will read the following post/article and respond as their harts lead them.  (I have not edited the following post/article in anyway)…

Suicidal Suffering

I think this blog post will be the hardest one I`ve ever written, normally my writing is upbeat and entertaining to say the least. However this post is different and like my disorder it changes because it`s simply not a topic I can easily talk about with ease. My moods even on medication shift and I`ve now begun my journey to Lake Depression, something I feared all this time. Wanting to kill yourself is not something you`d bring up with friends at a party or any other location. For me I`ve always told people when I`m suicidal and I don`t know why. People have said that I`m only seeking attention when I utter attempts to kill myself, in a way they are correct. I want the world to know that at the exact moment of when I tell them, I have the pills and a water bottle in my hands deciding whether to end my life. This is the part of being bipolar that isn`t fun but where it`s downright scary. The nagging urge to kill yourself on a daily basis fills your mind and all your thoughts and dreams are about death or killing yourself. I first started daydreaming about death when I was ten or fourteen which later progressed to dreams of me tying bed sheets together and hanging myself.

That year my parents had divorced and like any normal kid depression would follow. Your entire life is disappearing and there`s nothing you can do to stop it however in a sense I was relieved  that my father was no longer living with us, his physical abuse would now end forever. But the depression got worse to the extent were I had prayed to God why my father just didn`t kill me, why did I have to do this? My mind constantly told me I was at fault for my parents marriage to break up and the only solution would be to kill myself. It took two weeks for me to finally get the courage to get the pills and water and I sat up late one night on the computer crying my eyes out. Crushed the  ten Tylenol and mixed it in the water and I debated again whether I should literally do this. My mind told me I deserved to die I was not a person who deserved to live, people would no longer care or remember me and all the times my father ever hit me or degraded me I had deserved it all because I didn`t deserve to live. Eventually I didn`t do it and the suicidal depression lasted another week until it ceased.   Throughout all my life my depressive episodes start intense really fast and always have a suicidal attempt and half the time no one knows I`ve even tried to kill myself. The least I can say is that I`ve tried or planned to kill myself at least fourteen times  most of those have been planned.

The one time I was hospitalized for depression I was admitted because I had wanted to cut my  jugular with a butcher`s knife one week after the end of the Christmas holidays. I had already picked a time and a date and had even practiced each night after everyone had went to bed how to cut my neck so I wouldn`t feel the pain or die slowly. The abnormal guilt that I had for my father`s abuse and any other minor problem had pushed me so close to the edge that I was completely   done. A positive thing would occur from my death and everyone would be happy. Tyler the trouble boy, Tyler the overdramatic, Tyler the attention seeker would now be dead. They would mourn and cry for a couple weeks to play the show and just like that the world would forget me. It ironic that while manic I always thought that I needed the world to know me if I ever died but at this time I wanted my history that had haunted me for so long to disappear. Over the countless years my depression continues to get worse to a point it gets so severe that even push people away in the fear that I`d get them hurt. However I have had two friends that have caused me to become suicidal, looking back at it know it seems so foolish that I let friends push me to the edge of suicide but it happens. With the first friend I knew her for three years and so close and unfortunately I got depressed one summer.

It got so bad I burnt myself to try and relive the pain that I felt. At this point I was begging her to visit me because I was so suicidal that I was scared and I wanted to say goodbye to her. Every day I would send a her a text message until it got to a point where she ended our friendship.    I didn`t eat for five days , didn`t shower and didn`t bother to come out of my room and when I did it was only to find a way to kill myself.  For weeks I planned  ways to die it was just no use to in living when I had no one else willing to at least listen or talk to me. That was the hard put in understanding that I could possibly die alone with this disease. This year alone I`ve had three depressive episodes that have all resulted into suicidal attempts. This year I lost another close friend and got arrested as well, needless to say all of it pushed me to the edge. I remember one time where I was driving with my mom to my lawyer`s office when I just wanted to open the car door and jump into incoming traffic on the highway . It became a recurrent daydream whether I was in a car or on a bus.

I remember when I just couldn`t take it anymore when I decided I wanted to end it all and just feel peaceful. Got off the bus and waited for a car to come down the street and when I did see one I jumped in front just wishing not to get injured and live but to just die. The driver missed me and drove off after getting out and constantly asking if I was okay. The fact is I wasn`t okay and I don`t think I`m okay right now either.  It`s been a week and a half and I`ve just been thinking do I deserve to live? Most of the time it`s a yes of course but now I get no sometimes. I’ve lost so many friends  , a lot of them won`t even speak to me. I`ve lost my dignity and self-respect and worst of all I`ve lost what it truly feels to be normal  for a change. I`m in a phase of my life where I should be enjoying life to the full extent however I`m now entering the phase of a severe depressive episode. I long for the day when I no longer have thoughts about death or daydreaming about my funeral or even hanging myself. I just wish sometimes I could be happy for once , just one minute of normality. I always cry when I see my friends live a normal life because I can never have that, that simple reflection of what life could be like is something I have always longed for and will continue to search for.

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Mist Revisited: A Story About Depression

boldkevin:

I was recently contacted by Dylan one of our members and the blogger over at Eyes Through The Glass. He would like to share this blog post with our membership and I would recommend reading it :)

Originally posted on Eyes Through The Glass - A Blog About Asperger's:

Depression is not a thunderous night, it is a hundred days of mist.

Since I redid Exodus, I believe it’s high time I redid my old “Mist” post. Just as a refresher, you may want to read over Exodus as this post references it quite a lot.

I was speaking with one of my friends and it occurred to me that not everyone knew the things I went through, and figured it would be best to provide a consistent account of what exactly happened.

Initially I shied away from this, as I want to leave a lot of what happened behind. However, my efforts to do so have proven fruitless, as the past never seems to leave me as much as I would want it to.

I have to hide a lot, and hiding it as I did is an exhausting task. Consciously excising parts of my background takes…

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Time To Talk Day (UK)

TTT

Today (February 6h 2014) is Time To Talk Day in the UK.  It is an exercise to encourage folk to talk about mental health and to pledge to do something about it.

To learn more about this why not visit the time-to-change website?

This is a great initiative and something we at Mental Health Writers Guild are very happy to support!

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